Cry to the Wind
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
7:13PM - Oh gods.
So I got this back 'cause Matt got one again.
I hate journals. I think they're stupid and no one ever reads this but what the heck.
Hi...all...none. No one. Shadows and wind and just...space.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
1:14PM - Hey again
Things are better, I guess. Now that it's summer I have more freedom and I dont have to deal with the complete retards that decide to reside in my school. I've been with Matt and Jack a lot (when they're talking). Ellen and Daniel are both getting off of my back more. Yay.
Thursday, June 9, 2005
It's weird how my good moods can evaporate so suddenly. I abruptly just felt really depressed...like my stomach was all twisted up in this kind of nauseating...ugh...i don't even know how to say how I'm feeling. But I wrote a poem...
I've started throwing
Up all I ever tried to keep
Down because it's all too
Much. This keeps my mind
off this pain and my
hunger makes me sleep at
Night. Sooner or maybe
Later I think I'll stop and
Realize how stupid this is
But for now it's just my
Lullaby. Singing me to sleep
and rocking me in Satan's
Arms until my stomach is too
upset along with my mind
to do much of anything
but throw up all I've ever
tried to keep down.
Really stupid and weird huh? You probably all think I'm a freak well I am but I think this is better than cutting. Agreed?
Whoooo! K and I are partaying!!! Whooooo hoooo! I am so stinking happy right now that it's pathetic! I'm so happy right now that I've given up my emo-ness and am dancing and singing in joy! We LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOOOOOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
P.S. Do not try this at home. Do not try this in a dark alley at night. Especially if you're horny.
Monday, June 6, 2005
Wow...I am so glad that certain people decided to grow up and leave me alone. It's great coming to my e-mail and not seeing a whole lot of junk from "Morgan"...er...I mean Katie. Thanks everyone for telling me the truth a LONG time ago. It was fun seeing her make a fool of herself...
And matt i need to talk to you.
Somebody told me that you were so stupid and i didn't believe them but now i believe them!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Waahahahah. People are just so lucky I'm just so nice. Don't worry about it everyone. Let's all smile and be happy.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
12:56PM - WAI!
So angry right now but happy too. weird how that can happen huh? well...i would rant but i have no time. must study study study like a good person...
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Friday, May 13, 2005
5:48PM - Kawaii!!! ^_^
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
School is pretty pathetic lately. Either that, or I'm just pathetic. (which I guess I am to a point) I just wish I could be honest to everyone. But...if I did that, I'd be dead by the end of the day. Matt and I were talking about how that would be. It would be like the whole anime thing with the swirly ghosts around me, black lines over my eyes and a black background and I have this little smirk on my face with one eye glowing. Lol. epitome of scary anime evil.
I started a new story the other day...but quit. It would be a good idea if I could just get it down. It's a man's relfection back on his life, thinking of how he and his twin brother fell apart and it slowly led to murder. So sad, so sad lol...yes...it's sad so that I'm lol-ing. Cue epitome of scary anime evil.
Sunday, May 8, 2005
Friday, May 6, 2005
Every >chirahora< I realize that there's a world going on around me. It amazes me to see it once and a while. Today I finally noticed things I never would if I didn't take the time. A raindrop fell right below my lower eyelid and it was just like a tear. And suddenly I felt like crying. But the strange thing was...I was content. Just a little lonely. It's hard to explain. It just feels like I need something new and something more to satisfy and calm me. That's why I spend most of my time in the world I created for myself. Daniel is worried about me, I can tell. Matt is sort of too. D thinks I should come out of myself more often and make more friends. Eat more, sleep more, think less...or maybe just daydream less. Matt gets impatient because I never listen to him. The other day he asked me five times what we were going to do for lunch and I didn't hear him once. And Ellen is losing her patience...sometimes she looks like she wants to cry. It's just really hard to stay here. I just miss him so much and he's there...I think about how it must;ve been when they met. I think of different ways and write them down so I'll never lose them and him. It's so hard. Daniel doesn't understand. He has his parents, matt has a dad. And now I'm just whining. I should kill myself for it. No...that got me in trouble last time. So...I'll just sit here and be a good girl; sit on my hands so I can't find a way to beat myself up. And we'll just say good night to reality and disappear into the world of nothingness.
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
Suddenly feeling sick and angry and just plain tired. I'm getting so sick of it all. I'm counting the days till summer on my toes and fingers. This is getting so old. Everyday I force myself to be...I can't say me...be...true? No...that just sounds so stupid...I can't explain the ways I'm feeling. I think it's just fury. Inescapable, undeniable, self-consuming fury. That must be it...
Thursday, April 28, 2005
5:29PM - nothing
I actually have nothing to say so I don't know why I'm commenting. I was planning on putting my story in here today, but it's not quite finished and not to mention that it is at home on my computer and I'm not home right now. So that just sucks...um...my stomach feels weird...it doesn't hurt. It just feels weird. Hummmm...I wonder why. This is really weird. Normally my entries are really weird because I normally write in them when I'm mad or depressed. But I'm feeling sort of happy although I shouldn't be because I have the right to be mad, but I got over it. But as soon as I get back to school tomorrow...I'm going to wish I brought myself a pistol to shoot her/myself.
Just a little out of tune
Sunday, April 24, 2005
You asked for it...you got it (okay you didn't ask for it, but I was thinking about it and had to put it in here. I love him so much. His voice is unbelieveable!
Friday, April 22, 2005
7:32PM - complaints
Today was god-awful. I hate Baker so much. Here's the conversation...as accurate as I could remember...
Me: what is it you wanted?
B: i want to talk to you about your newest story
Me: then talk. I have to go home soon.
B: It's a little unappropriate.
Me: how so? anita wrote a smutty romance story...
B: It's not the story...it's the content.
Me: It's not badly rated...I even cut out the hot sex scene. (note...there wasn't one...i just hate him and like to remind him of what he doesn't have...AKA a sex life)
B: The people...brothers?
Me: (smirks) yes thats right. Families are so sweet arent they? Especially twin brothers. How much closer can you get?
B: I want you to rewrite it.
Me: I want you to reconsider. It was free writing and i wrote freely. See you later, Baker.
Yup...I'm a bitch. He called home and talked to Ellen about me and she just looked at me in that way she does when she wants me to apologize but knows i won't. I really don't want to hurt her...I love her...I just miss them so much more.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Life can take you by surprise.
Death can take you by accident.
Happiness can lead you no where.
And sadness pushes you farther down the hole.
But we keep on playing this messed up game called life...
But wait. It isn't a game. Because a game you can quit without consequences...no. This is not a game.
I missed you so. I can't go on alone.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Get Well Soon, Landon!!! We're all praying for you!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
7:13PM - yuck
Once again I'm not going to bother putting my story in here. It's too much work for not enough satisfaction. Or something. Matt and I reflected upon the days of black and white movies and ping pong tables. Oh, yeah. Was that the life or what? It was... Pffft. I'm so glad it's over.
Monday, April 18, 2005
5:29PM - Lain
Disappeared. Gone. Forgotten. Left behind. "If no one remembers you, did you ever really exist?" Chances are...no...but I hope no one remembers me when I become old and senile. Unless I have a long lost sibling or a lover that I thought died in the war. XD
I have another thing for a part of a story to put in here, but not today. Too many people are around today. I thought of it in the shower lol...appropriate, I guess.
And all day today I had to sit on my hands from keeping myself from reaching over and choking her. If she can't accept all parts of me, I wish she wouldn't accept ANY of me. But she does THIS. Well...dinner time. Will update later.
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